Major health realisations and a promise to keep

The last few weeks have been challenging for my health.

I went to Goa for a team retreat and personal holiday on 21st December.

The first 2 days were filled with alcohol and smoking up Sheesha. We partied like a bunch of crazy people.

And how can I forget the constant going in and out of the swimming pool and swimming on the beach, followed by strong cold winds.

Although I had a lot of fun, but the next few days by health took a toll on me.

Or rather I should say, that I took a toll on my health.

I got a terrible cough. Followed by a fever for a night. Followed by weakness. And a viral flu.

I took some medicines after consulting my family doctor.

While Goa was warm and pleasant, we came back to a very cold, chilly and uncomfortable weather in Delhi.

This worsened my flu, chest infection and cough.

I continued doing what was needed.

And while I thought I was getting better, something else happened yesterday.

I woke up at 8:30 AM to collect an Amazon order. Went back to my bedroom to lie down again and the moment I lied down, I felt a discomfort in my stomach.

Went to the washroom, for freshened up but it didn’t really help.

I though it was a gaseous issue. Tried some ‘desi’ nuskhaas that usually always work.

I had this irritating discomfort in my stomach that just didn’t go.

I thought the medicines would help, but they didn’t.

12 hours passed, but the pain just didn’t settle. I couldn’t sit, couldn’t stand, couldn’t walk, couldn’t sleep. It was bad.

Consulted a gastroenterologist, he suggested me to get an Ultra Sound done the next day.

We didn’t wait and visited a hospital near by. Ultrasounds would only happen the next day, so they injected me with a pain killer. The pain settled and I was relieved.

I finally felt relieved from a long 12 hour stretch of pain. Felt a lot better.

Today morning, I got my ultrasound done.

The Doctor who conducted the Ultrasound told me the next minute:

“The pain you had yesterday wasn’t due to gas, you have a stone in your right kidney”

This didn’t come by surprise because my father suspected it to be a stone.

I didn’t expect it, because I have no history of such issues.

I went back home and then visited a Kidney specialist. The stone’s size is way below the surgery range and is usually dissolved with medicines or use of fluids.

Not a big deal, it’ll get alright.

But, there’s something else that stuck me.

Today, I felt anger. Anger on myself.

I’m angry at my own self for torturing my body all these years.

Not giving my health the attention it deserves.

I’ve been doing my bits all these years, but I always knew I could have done better.

I’m not worried by my cough or this little stone in my body.

I’m not worried about anything, to be honest.

But yes, I’m angry, for not doing the best I could do for my own health.

That look on my wife’s face when they injected me with a pain killer.

Seeing her suffering all day. Seeing her taking care of me like her life depended on it.

Seeing my parents accompanying me to the hospital and worrying about me.

I don’t ever want to put them in this situation ever again.

I want to be the one taking care of them. And the last thing I would ever want would be to let my loved ones worry about me or feel bad about me, specially my health.

I want to stop abusing my body. Stop consuming things that I know are not good for my body. Stop having these constant coughs, blocked nose and now this sensation in my lower right abdomen.

I recently read The Man’s Search For Meaning. The book says that we are the ones responsible for adding meaning to our suffering.

This is the meaning that I add to mine.

These few weeks taught me how important it is to take care of one’s health.

Money will come and go. Opportunities will come and go.

You can have money, happiness and peace in abundance, but if you health takes a toll on you, it messes everything.

I’m grateful to god for being a healthy, happy, financially secure and blessed man. These are just tiny little things in comparison to the pain and health issues people go through.

For me, these are early signs for me to start taking care of my health way better than I usually do.

I’ve decided to work on my body by focussing on:

• Doing Yoga to keep my body flexible and have good flow of blood and energy throughout my body. It will also help me breathe better.
• Doing regular body weight exercises I usually do.
• And being super conscious about the food I eat.

This post is a promise to myself and a way to keep me accountable to you.

Thanks for reading.

I’ll continue sharing my progress in here, on my blog.